


Everything You Know Is Wrong

by Kunstpause



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Biting, Collars, Dom/sub Play, Gags, Humiliation, Light Bondage, Multi, Oral Sex, Pining, Shameless Smut, Spanking, Threesome - F/F/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vampire Bites, Vampires, Verbal Humiliation, fic with art
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-26 13:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunstpause/pseuds/Kunstpause
Summary: Kara had trained her whole life for one purpose - to infiltrate and spy for her people. Indoctrinated from birth to follow Loth she never even considered an alternative. That is until she finds herself abducted and torn away from her home, surrounded by people that are nothing like she thought outsiders would be. The world outside the Underdark is vastly different than she would have expected it and for the first time, she feels like she has other options. Getting roped into keeping Astarions' secret while hiding her own past gets only more complicated when she falls head over heels for someone unexpected.
Relationships: Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Female Character(s), Astarion/Female Charname (Baldur's Gate), Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Comments: 14
Kudos: 22





	1. The Deep Dark Before Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> A story with more than one custom player characters. Eventual ot3.
> 
> Matching art done by the lovely [Ashalle](https://ashalle-art.tumblr.com)

  


_I would have simply run._

It’s the first thing that goes through Kara’s mind as a hand appears in front of her face and a voice calls to her, telling her to get up. It’s surreal, almost dream-like, and without much thought, she grasps it and pulls herself up.

In front of her stands a woman. Another drow with bluish-purple skin and surprisingly dark hair. Her eyes are curious, and unlike the faces Kara is used to, this woman smiles at her. 

“I am so glad I am not the only one here,” the woman says, that incessant smile still on her face as Kara finds her bearings and tries to take in their surroundings. 

Where the fuck are they?

The last thing she remembers is being thrown to the ground. The blunt force of a boot pressing down between her shoulder blades as she lost a training fight that should have been easily winnable. But something threw her off balance, knocked all the wind from her lungs, and made her lose her footing. After that, everything is nothing but a haze.

Is this supposed to be it? The start of her mission? 

Kara had been waiting for news every day for months. Talk had been rife that it was finally her time to go. Somehow, Kara had always expected at least some sort of send-off. And some clear instructions. Then again, the past few years had been nothing _but_ instructions. 

“I am Eris, by the way,” the other introduces herself, and her soft voice rips Kara out of these thoughts. Kara’s hand is still in hers, and she feels a gentle squeeze as Eris continues, “I think we’re on some sort of ship. What’s your name? Do you have any memory of how you got here?”

Her throat feels rough as Kara tries to find her voice, and it sounds much scratchier than she is used to when she finally does.

“Kara,” she grunts. “My name, I mean. And I have no idea how I got here.”

“Me neither.” 

And just like that, the other woman treats her like they are in this together. Like they’re a team, all of a sudden. Eris asks for Kara’s opinion, waits for her to catch up, and seems to genuinely believe they should be working together. Why any fellow Drow in their right mind would do such a thing is beyond Kara’s understanding.

_I would have simply run._

And Kara thinks about it. About ditching her at the first opportunity. One quick dash around the next corner, and she’d be off on her own. Safe from… 

Safe from what exactly? She doesn’t even know. All she knows so far is that the presence of someone else, another Drow of all people, can’t bode well for her.

Yet, for some strange reason, she lets herself be dragged along. Their group grows by a Githyanki woman as they try to find a way off what seems to indeed be a ship of some sort. 

Along their way, Kara gets bombarded with information. Mindflayers, tadpoles, so many things that don’t make sense. All she knows is that none of them are here of their free will. Again she wonders if she is here by accident or if someone from back home had arranged all this. Kara isn’t sure which idea is more frightening. But for now, she can do nothing but try and stay alive.

And so they fight together. Kara jumps into battle as soon as the opportunity presents itself. She grasps for the familiar as she takes on as many enemies as she can, just like she is used to. What she isn’t used to is the sudden, tingling feeling of rejuvenating magic surging through her. When she glances over her shoulder, she sees Eris casting spell after spell, some attacking their enemies, some making sure Kara stays upright and whole.

For a second, she almost forgets how to fight altogether as confusion runs through her. This is a prime opportunity, after all. Kara is surrounded by enemies. Eris should have taken one look at her and used the opportunity of their enemies being busy to make a break for it. By everything Kara has ever learned, the other woman should leave her behind and run.

But Eris stays.

Kara doesn’t know what trick this is, what game is being played with her, but she does not appreciate being made to feel like a confused fool at all. She is about to demand answers when they suddenly have bigger concerns. 

Namely, their ship crashing.

It’s nothing short of a miracle that they survive the fall. Yet they do, and when Kara suddenly finds herself in what looks like the strangest environment she has ever seen, Eris is right there again, holding out her hand once more.

For the second time, Kara takes the hand Eris offers.

Kara tries her best to not look up at the sky too much. She has heard all about the world above for years. Read everything there was to read in their libraries and vaults, and yet the descriptions of the sky did not do it justice. The vastness and the many flickering lights above her make her stomach turn with how wrong they feel. Beautiful, but terribly wrong. 

Things are not supposed to be this open, this wide. The world around her feels endless all of a sudden, a stark contrast to the closed-off and sealed-shut, tight spaces she is used to. Like she could go anywhere she wants. It should feel like freedom, she thinks, but with that freedom comes the feeling of utter helplessness and the insecurity of not knowing how long it will last. 

Is she truly free? Does no one back home know where she is? Or is she here with a purpose that has not yet shown itself? Kara knows only one thing: If someone at home has even the slightest idea of where she has ended up, someone will come for her. Sooner, rather than later. She knows she is too valuable to simply be considered lost.

Compared to her memories of the Underdark, the open sky above her feels like it is mocking her. The lights - stars, she finally remembers the word - luring her further and further away with no promise of safety, only uncertainty. 

She should have run. But when she finds herself at a makeshift camp, not far from where their ship crashed, she still hasn’t. Instead, there are two other people with them. A High Elf named Astarion, and a half-elf who calls herself Shadowheart, and Kara finds herself fascinated by the friendly, open way they and Eris converse. They are smiling, talking about this and that, and the more she listens, the more she starts to think that maybe Eris isn’t the odd one out here. Maybe Kara is.

The night gets lighter at some point, the colors change around them, in a mesmerizing way. At home, the light is always the same—flickering shadows from torches or complete darkness. There is little color around, and it never really changes. But out here, the hues seem to shift almost by the minute. No one else seems to pay attention to it as she does, though, and the more she watches the others, the more Kara thinks about what she has been taught about the other races all her life, and how far from the truth it suddenly seems. 

_‘If they aren’t Drow, they are clearly inferior’_ was always the conclusion from every lesson she had been taught. Now that she’s seen these people, fought by their side, those teachings do not hold up at all.

Some part of her feels strangely vindicated when seeing Shadowheart obliterate a foe with the same ferocity Kara knows from their warriors at home. Or when she listens to Astarion talk, and it is evident right from the start that, while he is certainly putting on some airs, there is a highly intelligent person behind his bluster. 

Relief floods through Kara when she sees Eris smile and talk to both of them without any issues. When all the warnings of her elders about how any other race would attack them on sight out of fear and mistrust are proven wrong right before her eyes. Until Shadowheart asks where they are from, and Kara hears something she should have expected and yet somehow didn’t waste a single thought on.

“A Seldarine Drow,” Shadowheart says to Eris with an understanding nod. “I sort of expected that. You are far too friendly and calm to be one of the Lolth-Sworn.”

Eris laughs lightly at that, brushing the comment aside with a shrug. “I am used to the initial mistrust; I cannot fault people for being apprehensive when they first see me.” 

Oblivious to the turmoil in Kara, Eris turns towards her with a blinding smile. “Kara here, for example, looked at me like I was a devil when we first met.”

Kara’s eyes widen as she flinches at Eris’ words. For a moment, all her training, all her preparation, leaves her as she stares at the other woman at a loss for words. 

Eris, meanwhile, seems to take Kara’s reaction for something completely different.

“Oh no, Kara, I didn’t mean it in a bad way, really. I truly am not fazed by this anymore,” Eris says assuringly as she takes a step towards her, still with that genuine smile on her face. “And I do not blame you at all,” she goes on. “Seriously, I am used to much more scrutiny, especially from High Elves, so really, you came around rather quickly.”

 _High Elves._ Kara’s thoughts are racing as she realizes that at least one thing is exactly as the elders told her it would be. With Kara being Szarkai, she did not look traditionally Drow at all. She still had the most common white hair but matched with her almost alabaster-white skin, she looked like something else. 

A circumstance of birth. A sign of good luck and great fortune. A blessing that led to her being separated from most of her family almost from birth on. Given special training, a lot of it in isolation and relative safety from the rest of Menzoberranzan’s society, Kara has trained all her life for the moment they would send her up to the surface, counting on her looks to fool the other races into thinking she was an elf from above ground instead. Like everyone else who was born looking like her, there had only ever been one possible future written for her. 

And now here she is. Under circumstances quite different from what she had expected and still unsure whether this is all part of a greater plan she is not privy to or whether she got thrown out into the unknown by a peculiar chance of sheer luck. The thought makes Kara pause. Does it take so little to make her feel actually 'lucky' to be out of the Underdark?

But in any case, Kara is certain about one thing: No one would look kindly on having a Lolth-Sworn, someone who was sworn to the cruel Goddess of Chaos in their midst. Not even one as conflicted about her life’s purpose as Kara is.

After what feels like an eternity but is barely more than a few seconds, Kara gets a grip on herself and manages to smile back. She can do this. She has learned how to do precisely this for years, after all. 

“I’m glad you are not overly insulted,” she answers, sounding a lot smoother than before as she nods at Eris. “Still, that was a bit rude of me, I have to admit. I certainly won’t do it again.”

Beside her, Astarion shifts, and there is a peculiar look on his face, but it doesn’t last long before it’s replaced with a jovial smile. “It’s never a good idea to judge a book by its cover,” he agrees. “Let me join my fellow High Elves in assuring you that no one here takes any issue with the color of your skin, dear Eris.” With a look around their meager camp supplies and their slightly desolate surroundings, he adds, “Not that we could afford to, really.”

Eris chuckles as he looks slightly forlorn at the make-shift campfire.

“From the way you dress and talk, I suspect camping is not your first choice of accommodations,” she says with a light tone before she goes back to stocking the campfire, and Astarion lets out a disgruntled snort.

“It wouldn’t even be my twelfth choice if I am candid,” he says dryly before he shrugs. “Then again, it’s still mildly above turning into a mindflayer.”

They keep conversing about this and that, but Kara is too distracted to listen any longer. The subtle color shift from earlier has gotten more pronounced, and she takes a few steps away from the campfire until she reaches a small ledge in the stone. A little below them is the area she now knows is called a beach. The water sloshes against the sand with soft waves, and on its horizon, something magical happens. A pale orange glow seems to almost break through the surface. It’s already beautiful in itself, but the longer Kara looks, the more she can see it is moving. Growing.

The rays of color dance over the surface of the almost black-looking water, flickering along the gentle waves and even though Kara knows what this is, she isn’t prepared for the sheer beauty of it. She has read many books about the surface and its peculiarities. That the sun rises each day and sinks down again in the evening is knowledge she learned a long time ago. 

What she never realized, though, was what that would mean. What it would look like. And even if she had, Kara knows nothing she could have read in a book could have ever prepared her for this. 

The orange turns more yellow, and by now, she can see the shape, one half of a circle already above the waterline. The more the sun rises, the brighter the light gets. Kara’s eyes have seen a lot, but all her decades have been spent in darkness. Now, looking at the ever-growing light in front of her, they hurt. The light is beautiful, calming, and magnificent. And it feels like it burns itself both into her eyes and into her heart as she feels a tear running down her cheek. If it is from being touched by the sheer beauty around her or from the pain the light causes, Kara can’t say. And for the most part, she doesn’t care.

“Quite the view, isn’t it?”

Kara had been so distracted she hadn’t heard someone come up behind her, and she barely manages not to flinch at hearing Eris’ voice.

“It’s… something,” Kara agrees. She doesn’t dare to say more, even though this sounds woefully insufficient. But as much as she is in awe of this, she can’t tell any of her companions about what she is feeling right now. Not without an explanation why she, as a _‘High Elf’_ fawns about something as mundane and ordinary as a sunrise. 

But Eris seems to be, if not as much in awe as Kara herself is, at least appreciative of the beauty in front of them.

“Everything is so calm,” the other Drow says quietly as her eyes wander over the landscape below them. “Even though the beach is littered with debris and signs of destruction, when you look at the light on the waves, it all just blends away.” Eris takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes for a moment before her cheeks darken slightly, and Kara realizes that the other woman is somewhat embarrassed.

“Oh Gods, listen to me ramble,” Eris says, wincing at her own words. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. You have been the quietest out of everyone so far.”

Kara doesn’t know just how to deal with the openness on Eris’ face, and she swallows, tearing her eyes away from the still steadily rising sun. 

“I am alright, thank you,” she gets out, and before she knows what she is doing, she is smiling back at the other women. “You really don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself,” she assures her. It only causes Eris to laugh lightly.

“I am sure you can; I saw you fight,” she says, and her eyes are sparkling with something that looks like admiration, and Kara’s breath gets stuck in her throat. 

_It can’t be,_ she decides a moment later. This is not how people look at her. Not unless they want something. But Eris is hard to read in that regard, even for someone like her, who has been trained in the art of reading people all her life. Everything Kara has gotten from her feels surprisingly genuine. If the other woman has a hidden motive, it has yet to reveal itself.

When Kara doesn’t reply, Eris shrugs before she looks back at the water. “I didn’t mean to sound patronizing, I just think with the situation being what it is, and us having these things put into our heads, we should stick together.” She lets out a soft laugh. “And I really can’t help it, looking out for people around me, I mean,” she adds. “I’ll try not to be too much of a bother, I promise!”

“You’re not a bother,” Kara says almost automatically, and with the way Eris’ smile widens and her eyes light up at those simple words, Kara can’t even be mad at herself for not thinking before speaking.

“Thank you, Kara, you are too kind,” Eris says, still smiling before she turns to leave. “I’ll leave you to your meditation then; I’m sure you’re just as exhausted as I feel.”

And with that, she is gone, and Kara feels utterly lost. No one, not once in her entire life, has ever looked at her and called her _‘kind’._ The word lies heavy on her mind, grating against the knowledge that Kara is anything but. If no one had ever called her kind before, it was for very good reason.

Yet Eris seems to look at her like they are somehow the same. It is a sweet and simultaneously bitter sensation that goes through her at that thought. Eris is very much like the many surface people Kara has read about in fairy tales collected in old books and smuggled down from above-ground. By people much like herself, actually. Those tales had always been part of her curriculum. Her teachers mercilessly tore them apart, pointing out every flaw in what the other races deemed educational and entertainment. In those books, the characters that Eris resembles so much always served as an example of just how stupid the races above ground were. How they didn’t know how to look out for themselves. How they were naive and clueless and needed guidance. _Drow guidance_ , naturally. And everything bad she had ever learned about the other races always seemed to count twice when it was about other Drow who did not adhere to Lolth’s rules. Drow like Eris, who turned their back on the Underdark and tried to live in peaceful co-existence with the rest of the world. 

But Eris isn’t stupid at all, or meek, or anything Kara’s teachers always claimed. She is thoughtful, has a wicked sense of humor, and can fight along the best with ease. 

Kara sighs as she continues to watch the horizon. The sun is up high and proud by now, making the whole surface of the ocean sparkle. A peaceful, calm opposite to the thoughts whirling through Kara’s mind. She tries to find some semblance of tranquility, going through the first few steps of entering a trance, but she is distracted. Her mind keeps racing, taking all her concentration away from her with thoughts about how the world she has learned about all her life and the things that have been sometimes taught to her and sometimes beaten into her by pure force paint a picture that is nothing at all like the world she is experiencing now for the first time. Kara doesn't know what to make of any of it. All she knows for now is that she won’t find any rest or tranquility at the moment. Not in a state like this. For now, all she can do is get up and keep herself busy. When she gets up she sees Astarion standing not too far away from her, giving her a curious look. He doesn’t say a word though, and when Kara tilts her head in question, he simply looks away from her and watches the sun’s spectacle on the waves instead. With a shrug, she leaves him to the view.

The next time they make camp, come nightfall, it is further inland and next to a river. They have picked up a Wizard and a local hero for their traveling companions. Both are human, and Kara is once more fascinated to realize that neither Gale nor Wyll are anything like she would expect humans to be. 

“And then they simply vanished into thin air, and no one was the wiser.” Gale finishes his story about how he once caught burglars with a group of guards he had been getting drunk with with an overabundance of flourish. He had managed to catch everyone’s attention, even though the reactions are quite different, Kara notices.

Astarion scoffs, putting his bowl still full of food aside carelessly. He doesn’t seem to be hungry at all, instead he looks eager to question the validity of Gale’s story. “That seems hardly possible, they must have used some sort of trick.” 

Gale only shrugs. “I thought the same, but I never quite figured out how they did it.”

Shadowheart has a frown on her face as she shakes her head in distaste. “They should have simply fought their way out. Why resort to such a cowardly escape? Especially since their captors were anything but sober!”

“Tactical reasons, maybe?” Eris suggests and Kara nods in agreement with the other woman.

“Pick your battles,” Kara adds in between bites. “Save your strength for later.” She tries hard not to smile widely at the happy look Eris gives her for her words and watches Shadowheart’s still skeptical face instead.

“Might I remind you that they were vastly outnumbered by us?” Gale chimes in again. “They could never have taken us all out.”

“You outnumbered them what, like three to one?” Wyll asks thoughtfully before he shrugs and adds casually, “It could be done, I’ve won fights with worse odds.”

“Yes, but not everyone caught with their hand in someone else's belongings is the famous front-facing blade,” Kara comments without thinking, and next to her, Astarion chuckles behind his hand.

As Kara looks up, Wyll’s eyes are on her and his lips are pressed together firmly. “It’s ‘ _the blade of the frontiers’_ ,” he corrects her on his title, and Gale grins into his cup. 

“I don’t know, I think I like Kara’s version better,” he says with a wide smile.

Kara feels a slight flush of embarrassment rise up in her cheeks at her mistake, but the way most of them are smiling or chuckling at it calms down any nervousness.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes nonetheless. 

“I’m not upset,” Wyll says and by now he has an indulgent smile on his lips as well as she shakes his head at herself for the obvious mistake.

Shadowheart snorts at him. “He still can’t believe that there is someone who hasn’t heard of his glory.” She has an amused grin on her face. “Beware, Kara, if we give him one more ale, he’ll spend all night telling you all about his blade and the things he can do with it.”

Next to her, Eris nearly spits out her drink before she swallows quickly and starts to laugh and Gale joins in immediately. Astarion, meanwhile, gives Wyll an appreciative look.

“Now, that sounds almost interesting. Go ahead, feel free to share with the group,” he says in a tone that has Wyll’s eyes widen for a moment before he starts to laugh as well. 

“Maybe one day, if someone is particularly interested,” he answers with a wave of his hand, and his slightly sheepish look causes more laughter.

The camp they build that night is a little bit more sheltered and stable. Six people are way more efficient at this than four, and when the humans turn in for the night, Kara settles down to finally get some rest as well. A little apart from the fire, she makes herself comfortable on her bedroll, sitting straight with her legs crossed as she closes her eyes and takes deep breaths to slow her breathing. Her hands go through the same repetitive motions she has learned from childhood on, fingers drawing patterns into her palm like a mantra. Old symbols in a language rarely spoken out aloud anymore slowly weave her into another state of consciousness.

She needs to spend way less time in her trance than the humans need their sleep, and so, after a few hours, she keeps herself busy with repairing her shirt while waiting for the next sunrise. If she knows one thing, then it is that she doesn’t want to miss a single second of it.

It’s on their third night that something terrifying happens. The day had been like the other two before, with the notable exception that all of them had discovered that the tadpole in their head could be used to influence people. To pry into their minds. From the moment she learned of that power, Kara had been terrified. To her unbelievable luck, none of her companions thought it was a wise idea to use said ability on each other so far, but she couldn’t help but think that it might only be a matter of time. 

But the tadpole’s gift isn’t even the most disturbing thing about this day. That one comes later in the form of heavy limbs and heavier eyes. When for the first time in her life, Kara feels the fatigue in her grow so overwhelming that trance is not even an option anymore. Her mind screams at her in pure panic as her limbs feel like they are made of lead somehow, and she can’t open her eyes anymore. Kara can practically feel her breathing going slower, no matter how much she tries to do differently, and all of a sudden, she is somewhere else.

Even though Kara never experienced this before, she knows what this is. 

She is asleep.

It should be impossible. 

Her kind does not sleep, after all, and she has never heard of a single exception. Yet, it is the only possible explanation. She is asleep, and she is dreaming.

On a wide and open field, filled with a colorful array of flowers, there is a woman. She looks and sounds exactly like Eris, and Kara swallows as she sees the very flimsy dress made out of almost sheer scarves and held in place by nothing but a few chains. 

She knows it’s not her, not real, but it doesn’t keep her throat from running dry and her stomach from clenching as she looks at her and feels her face flush and her breath going faster at the sight. Mortified, Kara realizes that this feeling running through her is not new. That she has felt it before in the brief moments when Eris talks to her. But in between travels and while busy on the road, it had been much easier to overlook. Now though, it feels blatantly obvious. 

Attraction.

Kara is irrefutably attracted to the woman who stands in front of her. _Not Eris_ , her mind keeps reminding her. This is a dream. A fantasy her mind made up. The woman even admits to precisely that - that she is a reflection of what Kara wants to see most. And apparently, her mind has decided that that would be Eris. 

Eris, in barely a shred of clothing.

Eris, in barely a shred of clothing who seems hells-bent on seducing her. Who lets her fingers run over Kara’s arms and who leans in close to whisper into Kara’s ears. Who lets her lips brush against Kara’s skin in featherlight touches.

This dream of Eris offers her anything she might want, and Kara thinks she has never been so tempted by something in her life. But a last shred of her sanity remains as she keeps her distance from the illusion and states a firm and convinced _no!_

The illusion doesn’t let up. Tries again and again until it gets almost angry and frowns at her. Then it changes tactics. It grabs Kara’s shoulders by force and shakes her, telling her all about what could happen in the future if Kara doesn’t listen. The things it shows her are horrific. Each of their companions finding out the truth about her and turning away in disgust. People attacking her with pitchforks and weapons, hateful whispers of curses against Lolth and her entire brood following her wherever she goes. All while the illusion insists that giving into her advances is the only way to prevent any of this from happening.

Just when the shade is about to start over once more, Kara feels a peculiar sensation. A touch on her shoulder she can’t see, and a terrifying jolt runs through her before she violently sits up.

And just like that, Kara is at their camp again. A fully clothed, and thankfully wholly herself, Eris is right next to her, her hand still on Kara’s shoulder.

“You were asleep,” Eris murmurs in disbelief. “Are you alright?”

Wordlessly, Kara shakes her head. 

No. Nothing about this is alright. Not the things she saw in her dreams and certainly not the fact that she had been dreaming in the first place. But through her own fear, she notices the nervousness in Eris’ eyes and the way the other woman seems to shiver despite being right next to the fire.

“You too?” Kara asks, still trying to even out her breath, and Eris nods solemnly. 

“Everyone, it seems,” she says softly. “With remarkably similar dreams. I saw someone I once knew and loved trying to convince me to accept something from them. Was it the same for you?”

Kara shakes her head. “I don’t think so,” she murmurs. “It was beautiful, at first and then…” She shudders at the memory and clings to the small comfort that despite the uncanny similarity to her dream, Eris’ eyes look different somehow. More real. Always with this hint of care and compassion in them, something the shade in her mind didn’t manage to reproduce.

What stays with her, though, are the images of destruction. As they talk, all sitting together around the fire during the night, Kara knows one thing for sure - she has to do everything in her power to make certain those things she saw will never come to pass. As much gentleness as there is in Eris’ eyes now, Kara is all but certain there would be nothing left if she ever knew the truth.

Briefly, she thinks back to that very first moment, when Eris had held out her hand to help her up.

_She should have simply run._

She knows that now. Run and never look back and try to find a way to deal with all this on her own. A treacherous voice inside her whispers that she still could. Still should. Pack her bag in the middle of the night and run until she makes it to Baldur’s Gate on her own. It would be safer for all of them. Especially since Kara still has no idea if someone is coming for her.

When Kara thinks of home now, she thinks of its stifling, dark ceilings overgrown with colorless moss. Of darkness, hard stone, and rough edges. Of the always thick and slightly sweet-smelling air that leaves a bad taste on her tongue more often than not. And she hates that part of her thinks of all those things she despises and associates them with something safe just because it’s familiar.

Out here, the air smells like salt, and it keeps playing with her hair, caressing her skin as they walk across the sandy, incredibly soft ground. The plants are green and filled with so many more colors than she is used to, and when her fingers graze over some of the leaves, they are soft and bend to her touch. 

Everything out here is different from home, but also different from what she expected. In the few days she has gotten to know these people, they have been almost a sort of revelation to her. All of them, to a degree, not just Eris. She has learned things she never thought possible. And for the first time, when Kara fights, she fights as part of a team, and no matter how loud the voice inside her tells her to run, Kara knows a much bigger part of her doesn’t want to and is absolutely unwilling to give any of this up.

_She should have simply run._

But Kara stays.


	2. The Illusion Of Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Ashalle](https://ashalle-art.tumblr.com) did a beautiful matching art piece again. As to not spoil the plot of the chapter you'll find it at the end of it this time.

Kara stands at her favorite spot, a little clearing near the entrance of the forest next to their camp that has a small opening in the otherwise dense undergrowth. Through it, she can overlook the river and the entire east-side of their camp without anyone knowing she’s there. A wonderful spot for tactical reasons alone. Whenever she is on watch duty, she goes here rather than out in the open to check for anyone approaching their camp. 

It is also a great spot to get some quiet. As jovial and friendly as their little party is becoming, Kara still isn’t used to being around people who talk so much. About everything. With each other to boot. They share things, stories, experiences, and sometimes it’s all just a little too overwhelming. That’s when she comes here. It is her own little spot that no one else seems to know about.

There is a third reason, though. With being a little higher up than the riverbanks are, the view from here is relatively wide. And the little window through the thicket points perfectly towards the east. Every morning when the sun rises, its first few beams of light break through the leaves and scatter on the mossy, green floor around her with a dancing pattern of light. She suspects it’s nothing special for those who lived their lives above ground, but Kara thinks it's one of the most beautiful things she has ever seen.

Beauty, peace, and a secret - that’s what this unassuming little part of the woods is for her.

It is almost nearing dawn, and Kara simply stands and watches. Waiting for the first bits of reddish hue on the horizon. The subtle color shift of the sky is already fully on its way. She has been fascinated by it since the first time she’s seen it. That one moment during the night where the darkness feels at its thickest and nearly impenetrable. One moment it is there, and the next, something happens. There is no sun yet. No reds or yellows or oranges, but the almost pitch black nights shifts to first a darker and then gradually lighter blue. Like the sun has to announce its rise far enough ahead to prepare the world for the pure beauty of its spectacle.

Kara has made a point to catch every single sunrise since that first day on the beach a few weeks back. She thought she would eventually get tired of it, or used to it at least. But night after night, she stands here, surrounded by lush greens and soft lines, and she waits for the same thing to happen again and again. 

Her shoes lie somewhere on the ground, carelessly thrown away the moment she arrived here. In this place, the ground is soft, almost like a blanket. The first time she saw it, she nearly couldn’t believe that this was supposed to be moss and grass. She knows what those are from home, but in the Underdark, the moss is coarse and so light it looks almost transparent, and the grass is a necessary weed to feed some animals, nothing more. At home, the ground is either hard and cutting or covered with plants likely to attack her if she steps on them. But out here, it is gently yielding under her feet.

She stands and watches, feeling the calm of the night around her when something gives her pause. The woods around her seem to shift, and Kara frowns as she tries to pinpoint what the sudden difference is. Everything around her looks normal, but when she goes still, she becomes aware of how loud her own breathing suddenly seems. And then she knows what it is that feels off. 

All around her, it is completely quiet. 

Kara comes here for the solitude, but not even in the deepest parts of the night is it ever this quiet. The woods always have a sound, constantly humming and whispering around her. But not right now. Now, it’s like the entire forest is holding its breath. A small shiver runs down her back as she tries to make sense of it.

There is a sudden crack from a twig breaking, and just like that, the eerie sensation is gone, overpowered by the brief scare she gets at the surprisingly loud sound. Kara flinches with a harsh gasp when she suddenly becomes aware of someone next to her.

Two hands clasp around her shoulders, and she is about to whirl around and sweep the legs out from underneath whoever snuck up on her when a familiar voice stops her.

“My apologies,” Astarion says smoothly, “I did not mean to startle you.”

Kara’s heart still beats fast, but she forces herself to breathe deeply as she tries to convince her still tense body that there is no danger after all.

“What are you even doing here?” she asks bluntly.

“I was looking for you, actually.” 

Astarion sounds sincere, as always, but Kara can never tell with him if he is remarkably open or just a very skilled liar. She frowns again as she realizes that he snuck up on her from the direction of the forest and not from camp.

“And why were you in the forest in the middle of the night?” she asks curiously, trying to turn around, but his hands are still on her shoulders, and all of a sudden, they hold her firmly, preventing her from moving.

“That is actually part of the reason I was looking for you,” Astarion murmurs. “You and I need to have a very important talk.”

Kara lets out a small growl as she tries to shake him off more forcefully. If there is one thing she doesn’t like, it is having someone at her back where she can’t see them. Her teeth clench as she feels his fingers dig into her shoulders with more force.

“Get your hands off me before I break them!” she hisses. 

From the fights they’ve been in together, Kara feels they are relatively evenly matched, but she is nonetheless certain that she could take him down if the situation required it.

But Astarion doesn’t comply. Instead, he is suddenly closer, still holding her firmly, and she feels his breath against her skin.

“Oh, Kara, Kara, Kara,” Astarion mutters into her ear. “What would they all think if they knew your secret...”

The hairs on the back of her neck stand up as a shiver runs through her. Kara holds perfectly still, ceasing all struggle and not daring to move, barely even daring to breathe as Astarion holds her firmly against him.

“Imagine my delight when I found out that you are a liar,” he whispers, and his voice is filled with glee. “Just like me.” At that, she perks up, a row of questions already burning on her tongue, but he isn’t done yet. “The difference between us is that I am not completely horrible at it.” 

The satisfaction in his voice is undeniable, and Kara swallows harshly.

“And what do you think you’ve figured out?”

She prays to every deity she can think of that he won’t notice the small shaking of her voice.

“A High Elf? You?” He chuckles softly. “Adorable.”

He sounds so incredibly patronizing, and Kara feels the anger rise, but at the same time, there is a hot rush of panic running through her. Up until now, she held onto the hope that whatever he thought she was hiding was nothing substantial. But that thought shatters and drifts away on the cold evening wind.

“Did you really think no one would notice,  _ Drow _ ?” His tone sharpens at the last word, and Kara’s heart sinks even further.

Kara’s heart beats faster in fear, and she swallows. “The others…”

“Don’t have a clue,” Astarion says sweetly before his voice turns darker. “Yet.”

Kara looks at the faint glow of the campfire in the distance, its reddish shine flickering in the dark. Around it, she knows their companions are mostly deep asleep or resting. They are too far away to see them, but Kara knows the layout by heart. Knows where each of them is lying. Just as she knows, one of them isn’t sleeping but sitting in a trance, resting for the new day. The one who is foremost on her mind when she thinks about the dire consequences waiting for her should they all find out.

“Eris,” she whispers with a pained sound. 

Behind her, Astarion has the audacity to laugh. “Ah, and there is your second little secret,” he says, and his patronizing tone sounds almost vicious for a moment. “Though one can hardly call your puppy eyes around her and the way you devour her with your eyes whenever she isn’t looking a  _ ‘secret.’ _ ”

For the first time since she woke up on that mindflayer ship, Kara feels truly and utterly helpless. The companionship of the last few weeks, the wonder about all the new things she’d seen, and the little moments of happiness she’d experienced threaten to crash and break under the truth. Astarion’s words are like a gust of wind, making all she has built so far fall apart like a brittle house of cards.

“How?” Kara sounds as helpless as she feels, and behind her, Astarion shrugs.

“I watch,” he says simply. “You are not that hard to figure out.” And with a knowing voice, he adds, “You know, from one liar to the other.”

There it is again, and this time, Kara spits out the question that is burning on her tongue. “So what have you been lying about then?” She sounds more daring than she is, gathering what wits she still has to press for answers.

“I was just getting to that.” Astarion held her firmly already, but now his fingers tighten ever so slightly as he speaks. “I just felt it important to make your situation quite clear before.”

“Before?” Kara tenses in alarm, biting down on the inside of her cheek to not flinch under his harsher touch. “What are you going to do?” she asks quietly, her heart still beating furiously. After all, one rightly placed word from him could expose everything she so carefully tried to hide. 

“That depends utterly on you and how accommodating you can be,” Astarion whispers at that moment, and his breath ghosting over her skin sends a different kind of shudder through her. 

“Accommodating?” The confusion is clearly audible in her voice, but when she suddenly feels his lips on her skin, Kara thinks she has a pretty good idea of just what he means. “Are you seriously going to blackmail me?”

“Blackmail is such an ugly expression,” Astarion huffs. “I prefer  _ ‘mutually beneficial arrangement.’ _ ” His tongue darts out, and he licks a stripe over her neck. Kara thinks she should feel more revolted, more disgusted by the insinuation, but a part of her bites her own lip to stifle the noise that almost left her throat. 

“What exactly do you expect me to do to arrange for your silence then?” she asks carefully. 

“Do? Not much,” Astarion mumbles against her skin. “I think it is best that I show you.”

He wraps an arm around her chest, holding her firmly against him as his other hand reaches for her head and tilts it slightly. “Behave,” he rumbles, and Kara isn’t sure just what to expect, but she knows for sure that this isn’t it when a second later, a sharp and piercing pain runs through her.

Her whole body goes tense, and her lips part for a scream, only to be stopped by his hand harshly clamping down on her mouth, muffling the desperate noises she makes. She tries to struggle, but his hold around her is like steel until suddenly, something shifts. 

As she looks ahead with unfocused eyes, the first light of the sun starts to paint the sky red. The pain is still there, but it fades into the background as Kara becomes aware of the very different sensations. Like his lips on her skin that send a shiver down her spine, or the way he sucks greedily on her neck and the noises he makes against her. 

Desperately, she tries to make sense of what is happening to her right now. Confusion clouds her mind, but it doesn’t keep her from struggling. Astarion tightens his hold, and Kara almost loses her balance under the rush of conflicting sensations. There is more pain but also something else. Something that spreads through her whole body, and before she knows it, she lets out a whimper.

Astarion lets up once more, and his voice sounds both darker and richer than before as he murmurs next to her ear, “Ah, come on, darling. I’ve seen you take much harder hits without flinching, but this has you crying out in pain? You can do better than that!”

He bites down again, harder this time, and Kara clenches her teeth to not make another sound. A sound that would have very obviously not been a cry of pain. 

Kara shudders as slowly the pieces in her head start to fit together. 

A vampire. 

She’s heard about his kind, though she has never met one before. Stories were abundant in the Underdark, and in none of them were they described favorably. On the contrary. Somehow, Kara has always assumed that she would be able to tell if she ever met one in person. Like she had expected some visual signs. Something that marked them as beings of the dark. But Astarion had appeared entirely normal.

She doesn’t know what to do next. The struggle seems pointless. The pain is gone, replaced by something warm and enticing, and it's almost more terrifying than before. She feels dizzy all of a sudden, and she can only assume that if he keeps going, if he drinks more of her blood than he already has, she will pass out any moment now.

“Stop,” Kara murmurs, sounding almost pathetic to her own ears as she reaches weakly for his arm, not managing to do more than pull at his clothes. “Please, stop…”

And like a small miracle, her whispered plea manages what her struggle did not, and Astarion stops. The moment he lets go of her shoulders, Kara sways, and when he draws her against his chest, she is almost grateful for it.  _ Almost. _

As soon as she is free, she follows her instinct and whirls around. Her fingers tighten and before she really thinks about it, she swings at him. Her fist collides with his face and though, in her weakened state, there is not much strength behind it, it is enough to make his head snap briefly.

“What in the hells,” she curses quietly as she tries to hold on to her drifting mind to make sense of what just happened. “You bit me!”

It feels almost ridiculous how indignant she sounds while stating the obvious. 

Astarion doesn’t look shocked at all at her outburst. His fingers sweep over his split lip as she smiles almost appreciatively at her.

“Feeling better?” he asks with an infuriatingly upbeat tone, but when Kara wants to follow up with another punch, she sways on her feet instead.

Astarion’s hands are on her arms again, steadying her further as he murmurs, “Consider your secret kept, for now.” 

Kara doesn’t know if she is relieved or angry at his words. Or both. Especially when she realizes how he focused on the last part.

“For now?” she asks as she tries to draw in deep breaths, and Astarion chuckles.

“Well, I’ve been in desperate need of a food source, and I will be again, and I can’t promise you I always remember what to say or not to say when I am hungry…”

A weak scoff leaves her as Kara fully understands his earlier implications. “A mutually beneficial arrangement, I see…”

Her knees buckle, and to her embarrassment, she can’t even try to keep standing upright when Astarion helps her sit down almost gently.

“I’d suggest plenty of fluids,” he says smoothly as his fingers flutter over the sore spot on her neck. “You need to drink a lot to replenish what I took from you.”

“I haven’t even agreed to your terms yet,” Kara lets out with an annoyed huff. His gleeful confidence grates on her.

Astarion just looks at her with that irritating, arrogant look of his. He doesn’t need to actually say anything for Kara to get the message. It’s not like she has a choice here. After all, that is the whole point of what he’s doing.

“Drink plenty of water, check,” she mutters with a defeated sigh, more to herself than to him. 

She shouldn’t be surprised at this. For the first time since she left the Underdark, something has happened that she should have expected at every turn - and would have known to expect back home. Treachery, blackmail, and inflicting deliberate pain. She is almost angry with herself for somehow not expecting any of this when what actually should have surprised her is how long it took to happen.

If he truly keeps his word, she will be able to deal with this, that she is certain of. Kara has been through worse for sure. There is one question still burning on her tongue, though. “How did you actually find out?”

Astarion shrugs. “Little things here and there, really,” he says, sounding perfectly pleasant like they were back to having a totally normal conversation in camp. “Your technique for going into a trance is one not really taught among High Elves anywhere.” He sounds incredibly casual while explaining. “And I’ve been around long enough to see it among certain  _ other _ people. Plus, when we met, you didn’t know what a beach was.”

Kara’s eyes widen at the realization that he must have picked up on that weeks ago.

“And when the sun came up,” Astarion continues, “you looked at it like you had never seen that happen before in your life.”

“Oh…” A soft breath of surprise leaves her as she remembers that first morning, only hours after they escaped the mindflayer ship. “I didn’t think I was that obvious,” she adds quietly.

Astarion sends her a peculiar look, half scoffing, half curious before he shakes his head. “Maybe not to everyone, but certainly to me.”

Kara winces under the realization that he was entirely right with his assessment of how bad a liar she actually was. The sunrise and the beach had confounded her, but those could have had some potential other explanations. Using a meditation technique that had been taught to her by the priestesses of her home instead of a simpler, generic one, on the other hand, was a blatant beginner’s mistake.

Astarion gives her an amused smile. “I wouldn’t feel too bad about it; watching the sun come up certainly warrants a little awe here and now.”

He looks in the direction of the little opening through the undergrowth where light is spilling onto the dark-green forest floor in abundance by now, and something suddenly gets Kara’s attention.

“Wait, from what little I know about vampires, you are not supposed to be able to walk around during daylight,” she blurts out, looking back and forth from the patch of sunlight on the ground to Astarion, who nods solemnly.

“Very true,” he agrees. “Another wonderful gift from the terribly threatening, if mildly convenient, thing in our heads.”

For a moment, she is almost a little bit in awe of the pesky little creature that threatens them all day by day since they got here. Just how powerful were these little bugs actually? Kara barely dares to imagine.

“The tadpole makes you able to be in the sun? What else?” she asks curiously.

“I am not certain.” Astarion still sounds casual, like he couldn’t care less about any of this, but underneath, Kara can see that that’s not all there is. That there is a thoughtfulness to him he usually manages to keep hidden a lot better. “I certainly can walk into houses uninvited now,” he says with a shrug. “Another little convenience. Everything else I am still figuring out.”

Of course, she thinks. They had all been on the same ship. All these little changes are as new for him as they are for her. “So that day on the beach…” she prompts, and Astarion lets out a wistful sigh.

“Was the first sunrise I’d seen in about 200 years,” he says, and for a moment, he sounds like he doesn’t quite believe it himself before his usual smile is firmly back in its place as he adds, “Give or take a decade, of course.”

“You must have been overwhelmed,” Kara says, the first thing that comes to mind without even thinking too much about it.

Astarion huffs as his eyes go back to watching the sunlight break through every opening it can find between the leaves.

“Darling, why do you think I noticed you looked at it the same way I did?”

Kara is quiet. She didn’t expect that sort of honesty. Not from him and certainly not after everything that just happened before. Her anger has retreated for the most part, and she keeps asking herself why. Is a little honest feeling conversation really enough to soothe over the fact that he is blackmailing her? 

It isn’t. But neither does she feel nothing but anger for him anymore. In a weird way, she can almost understand why he does what he does. And in an even stranger way, she sort of enjoys their talk. It feels surprisingly real, and Kara doesn’t know just what to make of it. 

And so, for now, she does nothing. She stays where she is, on the forest floor in the arms of a vampire who just forced her into letting him use her for his survival while they suddenly talk about personal things as if this is an utterly regular occurrence. And the weirdest thing is that it doesn’t feel as wrong as it should.

The next time he comes to her is only two nights later. He finds her at the same spot when everything is still dark, and this time, Kara has much more clarity of mind. She notices how his fingers twitch in excitement where he holds her as he bites down. Notices how the pain, while as intense as the last time, goes away faster when she holds still. She hears the little content noise he makes when her blood starts flowing into his mouth, and she feels him swallow as he drinks her down eagerly.

She should feel disgusted by this, she thinks. Appalled. And while she is definitely still angry at him for not only finding out about her but also using it so blatantly to his advantage, the act itself doesn’t repulse her. On the contrary. 

Like the last time, she has to hold back some more treacherous noises and her nails dig into the palms of her hands as she tries to keep as quiet as possible. It takes her so much effort that she almost doesn’t notice when he’s done. To her surprise, she realizes that he sought her out around the same point of the night as last time, for when he’s done feeding, the first rays of sunlight start to break through the leaves.

And just like last time, they sit together after almost casually, watching the rest of the sunrise while they talk about random, unimportant things.

“You make a good show about actually eating food when we sit together in the evenings,” Kara remarks. She vaguely remembers several times she has noticed him putting aside a full bowl, but he had managed to hide the fact that he didn’t eat at all well enough that she never questioned it before.

“You get used to it, over time,” he says with a shrug. “This is certainly not the first time I’ve had to blend in. You should see how much effort it takes to make food disappear when you are at an official banquet with fixed seating.”

Astarion leans back against the tree they are sitting at. Like last time, he still has his arm around her, holding her against him in a way that feels almost comforting. She knows it’s so she doesn’t simply fall over in case the dizziness that comes with his feeding overtakes her, but somehow leaning against him is something she doesn’t mind. Especially not when he absentmindedly starts to play with her hair.

“Do you ever miss it?” Kara asks all of a sudden. “Food I mean.”

He doesn’t answer immediately and Kara waits patiently as he runs his fingers through her hair in slow, methodical movements.

“I miss the idea of it,” Astarion answers eventually. “I don’t remember the tastes anymore. I tried to, for the first few decades, but over the centuries I just… forgot.”

“I am somewhat glad to know that tastes can be forgotten,” Kara confesses as she lets her head lean against his shoulder. “If I never have to taste a traditional Underdark stew ever again, it will be too soon.”

She feels the chuckle that runs through his chest.

“Not that fond of a good, home-cooked meal?”

“You wouldn’t be either, if you knew what they put in there,” Kara murmurs, and a small shudder goes through her at the memory. She sighs. “Growing food in the Underdark is rough. Not impossible, mind you, people survive but compared to up here, it’s absolutely atrocious.”

“Well, you will have to take a few bags full of food with you then, once we find a cure and you can go back.” He says it casually, but something in Kara clenches at the fact that her first thought is about not wanting to go back at all.

He gives her almost a week before he approaches her a third time. 

"I wouldn't want to lose my food source, darling, and you needed time to recuperate," he says easily when she asks, but she can feel the greed in him when he sinks his fangs into her this time.

It’s a strange thing that happens between them, Kara thinks. Like this, knowing each other’s secrets has broken through a boundary. By force, if she really thinks about it. But now they are where they are, and Kara realizes that in forcing her into this, Astarion revealed much about himself in turn. 

When she brings this up when they sit together after he fed off her, he chuckles.

“I know your secret, and you know mine,” he agrees. “Now it's simply a question of who has more to lose, isn’t it?”

“I couldn’t even say,” Kara murmurs. As much as she is terrified of people finding out about her, she can’t imagine things would look all that good for Astarion either. “But you knew you’d give me some sort of power by revealing your nature to me,” she adds as she gives him a calculating look. “There is no way you weren’t aware of this.”

“Of course I was,” Astarion huffs. “But I needed a way to not starve out here, and knowing what I know about you, you seemed the best option.”

The best option… He makes it sound almost like a compliment when Kara knows it is anything but. “So, if either one of us now decides they don’t like this arrangement, that would mean…”

“Mutually assured destruction,” Astarion finishes her thought with a nod. “Under the circumstances, it’s the best I could hope for.”

And somehow, that little sentence feels both casual and raw at the same time.

It’s the fourth time when Kara finally slips up. 

When, in a brief moment of carelessness, she finds her mind wandering. Astarion takes that exact moment to bite down a little harder, drink a little deeper, and before she can stop herself, Kara lets out a deep and shaky moan at the sparks of pleasure that run through her. 

Astarion goes still against her, and Kara’s first instinct is to break away from his hold, get as much distance as possible between them. But as if he senses where her mind is at, his arms are suddenly around her chest and waist, pinning her flush against his body.

“What, my dearest Kara, was that?” he murmurs against the skin of her neck before he lets his tongue slide over the little wounds he left behind, and the sensation sends a full-body shiver through Kara. She can practically hear the pleased smile on his face as he purrs, “Have you been holding out on me?”

Kara huffs, trying to let indignation cover her embarrassment. “I have no idea what you might mean.”

A moment later, she finds herself being forcefully turned around and backed against a tree.

“For someone trained for deception, you are such an abysmal liar; it is almost adorable,” Astarion smiles and there is something distinctively predatory in his eyes as they wander over her face down to her neck. “I wonder, is it the biting itself that has you all hot and bothered, or is it me?”

“It’s the forest, actually. I always had a thing for trees and green,” Kara answers with a dry huff, refusing to rise to his bait, but it only causes him to chuckle.

“I’ll figure it out, eventually.” Astarion grins at her with his usual, slightly cocky confidence. “Keeping secrets isn’t one of your strengths, after all.”

Kara huffs again. She is an excellent liar in most cases, she knows. Just not, to her dismay, when it comes to him. Before she can say anything more, he bites her again, and Kara’s throat runs dry at this new, somehow much more intimate position. Her breasts are pressed against his chest, and she feels him against the rest of her body as he drinks from her languidly. She can’t help the noise that leaves her mouth as Astarion bites down harder, and Kara’s legs shake from arousal. She can do nothing but hold on to his tunic with clenched hands as she mewls at the sensations running through her.

When he draws back this time, Kara is panting, unable to hide just how worked up she is by this. A sharp spark of shame runs through her when she sees Astarion smirk before he slowly licks his lips.

“You know,” he says, his eyes wandering to her lips, “this doesn’t have to be such a one-sided act at all.”

His insinuation is more than evident, and as much as Kara wants to throw all caution to the wind, her anger at him for putting her on the spot like this in the first place rises. This wouldn’t be an issue, after all, if he hadn’t forced her into letting him drink from her in the first place. She could have gone about her days without ever knowing what it felt like. Without feeling the hot flashes of embarrassment from knowing that at least part of her seems to be attracted to something like this. Someone like him.

Because she knows the answer to his earlier question if she is honest with herself. It’s not just the biting, and it’s not merely him. It’s a combination of both, and Kara isn’t sure she wants to delve deeper and find out what that might mean.

“You didn’t really ask for my opinion when you started using me as your dinner,” she points out with a hard undertone in her voice before she looks at him in a clear challenge. “If you want even more from me, what keeps you from simply taking it?”

Conflicting emotions run through her at her own words. Because she knows Astarion absolutely could. She is in too deep, and the things he knows about her are too important. If he would leverage his silence to ask her to give him more than her blood, Kara knows she would oblige. Compared to the alternative, it would be a small price to pay, she thinks, and a shiver runs down her back that isn’t as uncomfortable as she feels it should be. 

She  _ should _ be completely disgusted by the mere notion. Instead, part of her is definitely curious, to a point where she almost wants him to do exactly that. It would be so wonderfully simple to ignore all her personal issues and hang-ups, all her shame and her embarrassment for being so intrigued by all this, under the guise of not having a choice. It would be so easy to give in if she could justify it to herself like this.

But Astarion outright frowns at her remark before he narrows his eyes. “If you are trying to appeal to some sense of guilt in me for forcing you into letting me feed off you, you can save your breath,” he says flippantly, but there is something dangerously serious lying underneath. “I am not apologizing for doing what I have to to survive out here. But if you want an excuse to indulge in some of your own baser instincts, I am afraid I cannot provide that. Refuse to provide it, to say it more accurately.” His face turns a little bit harder at those last words.

“I am not against this turning into more, don’t misunderstand me,” he adds a moment later and in a slightly softer voice. “But if you want that, you are going to have to clearly ask. I will not take anything like that from you against your will.”

Surprise goes through her as she listens to his sincere-sounding words. Followed by the immediate thought that she really shouldn’t be surprised by this at all. Not after the brief glimpses, she had gotten from his past.

“I am sorry,” Kara says immediately. “I did not think. I didn’t want to imply…”

“Oh, yes, you did,” Astarion interrupts her, but there is no anger in his voice. “I don’t even blame you for that thought.” 

_ ‘If you want that, ask’ _ rings through Kara’s mind, and she finds herself torn. She wants to ignore everything that tells her this is a spectacularly bad idea and simply leap into this and not look back. The last few times he fed on her, she has done nothing but fight against her own arousal, and the thought of simply giving in to the desires he wakes in her is tempting.

But there are other things that make her hesitate. Her own lack of experience when it comes to someone like him, for example. Her undeniable attraction to Eris, whether she will ever act on it or not, is another one. Not to mention the sheer ridiculousness of voluntarily sleeping with someone who is, albeit on another matter, still blackmailing her in a way.

A moment later, his hands run up her shoulders and send another shiver through her. Her eyes are stuck on Astarion’s lips, where she can still see a hint of red on them. Of her own blood, Kara thinks. And something in her decides not to care about the what-ifs anymore.

“Fuck it,” she curses quietly before she reaches for him, and her hands bury themselves in his incredibly soft hair as she pulls him closer and kisses him.

Astarion freezes against her for a moment, making a startled noise against her lips, but Kara doesn’t let up. Not now, not when she has finally made a decision for herself. And a second later, he moves again, and his lips are suddenly demanding against hers as his hands clasp around her neck, and he tilts her head just enough so he has a better angle before his tongue pushes into her mouth. 

Kara moans softly into the kiss as her mind is overwhelmed by the sensations around her. The way his fingers dig into the soft skin of her nape. The slight tremble of his arms against her betraying the tension that lies behind his hold on her. The taste of something metallic on his tongue that she knows is the taste of her own blood. The low growl in his throat as he blatantly overrules what little initiative she had and takes ownership of her mouth with a determination that makes her breath hitch. 

Kara has never been kissed like this. Not in all her years of dabbling around with people here or there has anyone ever made her feel this overpowered by a simple kiss. And the most fascinating thing is that she doesn’t even feel the need to fight him on this. If he wants to claim her, Kara is surprised by just how much she wants to let him. How much her knees are slightly shaking with the desire to melt into his arms. 

He doesn’t let up at all as he crowds her further against the tree, leaving no room between them as he presses himself against her with his whole body. Kara can only gasp into their kiss as she feels how hard he is against her. Astarion doesn’t stop kissing her when his hands move, and he starts to tug on the laces of her shirt with quick and precise moves. It doesn’t take him long until he can easily pull the front of her shirt open. He doesn’t bother with getting her all the way out of it. Instead, his fingers find the hem of her breastband and tug it down unceremoniously until her breasts spring free. 

Astarion has an appreciative look in his eyes as he draws back and takes Kara’s disheveled appearance in. His hands are on her breasts, kneading and cupping them before a mouth closes around her nipple, and Kara whimpers as he immediately teases it with his teeth. He doesn’t bite her, but the hint of it, the mere suggestion that he could is enough to make heat pool between her legs, and she pushes against his mouth. 

A steady stream of wanton noises leaves Kara’s mouth as he switches to her other breast while his hand runs down her stomach, and he starts to unto the fastenings of her pants.

“You know,” he murmurs against her skin, “this is so much easier when a lady wears a skirt.”

Between breathless little sighs of pleasure, Kara has to snort. “I surely am no lady by any decent standards,” she gets out in a dry voice. “And a skirt is the absolute last thing I’ll ever wear out here.”

She disentangles her own hands from his hair and starts to pull the hem of his shirt out of his pants. It takes her a few tugs before she can slip her hands underneath and run them up his chest. His body feels cool to her touch, and she revels in the pleased sigh he lets out as she lets her hands roam freely. When she tugs his shirt upward, he is quick to help her pull it over his head before it lands somewhere on the ground.

As Astarion is about to drag down the hem of her pants, Kara feels a sudden spark of hesitation.

Astarion notices instantly, and his hands freeze where they are.

“Changed your mind, darling?” he asks in a light voice, and something in her just relaxes the smallest bit at the realization that he would stop immediately if she said so. But Kara hasn’t changed her mind at all. What gives her pause is something else. 

“I should probably mention that I have never done this before,” she says softly, and it is enough to make Astarion draw back a little and look at her with his eyebrows raised high in question.

“Never?” 

And Kara knows what this must look like to him. She is not a blushing young maiden. She has had a few decades of life experience, after all. She is a skilled fighter and not a young girl on her first outing. And yet, in a way, she feels just like that.

“Not sex in general,” Kara starts to explain. “I have plenty of experience there; it’s just… I’ve never been with a man.”

Astarion still looks at her curiously as he takes her chin and raises her face up until she meets his gaze. “Does that mean you want me to stop?”

She shakes her head with a determined look. “No, I don’t want you to stop.” Her whole body is still tense, and she almost shivers with just how much she wants this. For a moment, Kara feels stupid for saying anything in the first place. It doesn’t matter after all, does it? 

“I just thought you should know,” she adds with a hint of embarrassment in her voice that she tries to chase away by clearing her throat.

“Don’t worry, my dear,” Astarion murmurs before his lips brush over hers again. “I’m going to take great pleasure in showing you the ropes.” He kisses her once more, and Kara moans into his mouth as she feels the cool touch of his bare skin against her hardened nipples when he presses against her.

A moment later, he is back to undoing her pants.

“So, no men before today,” he says with a half-smile before nipping at her lower lip. “Never been interested?”

She gasps as his teeth worry her lip for a moment. “Where I come from, men are quite different.” Getting out words strung together in a complete sentence feels like a challenge when Astarion’s fingers slide into her pants. “It never felt in any way appealing to me.”

He chuckles at that. “Ah, but I do?”

As he speaks, his hand brushes against her folds, teasing over her sensitive skin, and Kara moans wantonly as she bucks her hips into his touch, urging him to go further. His fingers part her folds to shamelessly dip inside of her for a moment before drawing her slick over her clit in teasing touches. 

Kara’s head falls forward against his shoulder as she moans deeply at the pleasure crawling through her. There is no reason to lie about anything, she thinks. She really doesn’t want to inflate his ego any further, but she doesn’t have a better explanation for him regardless.

“Men out here are unlike any men I’ve known back home,” she simply admits in a shaky voice, soft gasps interrupting her words. “Especially you.”

“I am indeed rather special,” Astarion says with a soft laugh as he suddenly draws his hand back, ignoring her soft noises of protest before he nudges her, and Kara blinks in confusion before she gets what he wants. Her hands fly to help him drag her pants down, and it doesn’t take long until she steps out of them. The soft breeze around them sends a shiver over her skin.

“Where I come from, you’d have been killed the first time you opened your mouth,” Kara says with a grin of her own before she pushes herself up on her toes to kiss him again. 

“Specialness has its downsides, I know,” he says with a theatrical sigh when their lips part again, and a moment later, he is busy with his own clothes. Kara’s eyes are glued to his cock as he doesn’t bother to actually take off his pants and just frees his hardened length instead. A shiver of anticipation mixed with her earlier desire rushes through her as he gives her another questioning look. 

“Should I take this slow?”

“Probably,” Kara murmurs. “But I’d rather you didn’t.”

She is a little bit surprised by her own courage, but part of her knows that she not only wants this, but she also wants it now. 

“Hard and fast then,” Astarion says with a cocky grin. “That will not be a problem at all.” His hands run over her bare hips and down her thighs before he suddenly grabs them and lifts her up in one smooth move. 

Kara instinctively wraps her legs around him, and a moment later, she feels him at her entrance, and then he does exactly like he just promised. With one sharp thrust, he is suddenly inside her, and Kara’s fingers claw into his shoulders as she wails with need at the strange yet utterly wonderful sensation of being filled.

Astarion loses no time at all before he starts moving, pushing her against the tree as he holds her up effortlessly. His teeth scratch over her collarbones as he leaves a trail of kisses on her skin before he moves a bit lower. He doesn’t seem to mind her nails breaking his skin at all, and when Kara leaves scratches down his back for as far as she can reach, he growls against her before he slams his hips against her more forcefully than before.

The tree’s bark is not very rough, but even through her shirt, its relatively smooth surface is a bit painful. Kara feels it slightly chafe her from the sheer force he uses to pin her against it, but it only sends more heat through her as she moans loudly at every thrust. The urgency, the pure need that rushes through her, and the almost surreal sensations of their surroundings manage to excite her like nothing she could have imagined. 

Whenever Astarion’s teeth touch her skin, Kara nearly shakes in anticipation. As much as she enjoys his lips on her skin, it's the not-so-subtle hints of what he can do with those teeth that rile her up even more.

“Do it again,” she murmurs, barely getting the words out between harsh and ragged breaths. “Bite me again.”

Something shakes through Astarion at her words, and Kara isn't sure if it is a laugh or his own excitement, but he draws his head back to look at her with a devious glint in his eyes. 

“Say please!” he purrs in a maddingly teasing tone, just as he drives his point home with another forceful thrust. “I’d love to hear you beg.”

Her fingers clench against his skin, desperately trying for purchase as Kara’s mind reels at his request. A hot spike of shame runs through her for even asking him to bite her again in the first place. Has she gone completely insane? But the previous days and her constant struggle against the arousal his bite caused her each time are hovering at the forefront of her mind, and the way he moves inside her has her go nearly mad with lust already. 

And now he wants her to beg. For the thing he forced her to in the first place.

The thought sends another hot flash of need through her, and Kara thinks she hates herself a little for being even more on edge through this than before. Just like she hates this feeling inside of her, this overwhelming desire to do exactly as he asks. It is pathetic. Shameful. And she wants nothing more.

“Please,” Kara whispers, her voice broken by her gasps and moans. “Please drink from me again.” She swallows once, trying to get her dry throat to behave as the words spill out of her. “Please, I need you to bite me, and I need you to not be gentle about it.”

Her plea hangs in the air, and the pure satisfaction on his face somehow makes all her shame and anger feel irrelevant for a moment. Especially when his smirk widens, and a moment later, his fangs are at her neck. He bites down harder than ever before, and Kara completely loses herself in it.

With a small yell, she comes hard around him, pleasure wracking through her, making her shake and tremble in his arms. One of her hands buries itself into his hair in a desperate attempt to make sure he does not stop, and to her utter relief, he doesn’t. With a low groan, his thrusts become faster, and a moment later, he bites down hard once more as he follows her, his sounds of pleasure muffled against her skin. 

Kara’s head falls forward and against his shoulder as he leans back a bit. Like the first time he drank from her, she feels a little faint, and she knows he has taken a lot from her in the heat of the moment. She also knows it will pass, and so, for now, she is content. Especially when a moment later, Astarion’s hold on her tightens before he carefully lets them sink to the ground.

As she lies sprawled out on the soft mossy ground, Kara’s legs still shake from both the pleasure and the tension running through her body. She shifts slightly as a small sting of pain runs through her.

“My back is not very pleased with me right now,” Kara murmurs. 

She is still trying to get comfortable when Astarion sneaks one arm underneath her and around her shoulders before he turns her towards him and drags her close until she is half sprawled on top of him. 

Kara clenches her teeth for a moment, but suddenly she feels a rush of relief run through her body as there is no longer any pressure on her back, and she sighs contentedly. 

“So, you like your comfort after, but you definitely enjoyed yourself more the rougher I got.”

It seems to be a simple statement Astarion makes. An assessment of her, like he is making mental notes, and despite him not sounding judgemental at all, Kara feels slightly uneasy.

“Well, uhm,” she tries to say something to justify herself, but Astarion’s hand squeezes her shoulder in reassurance.

“Nothing wrong about that,” he says simply as he grins at her. “A preference is a preference. Still, a rather good detail to know.”

She can’t help but scoff at that. 

“Do you treat everything you learn about a person as a strategic bit of information, or is that just for me?” Kara asks, and she is only half teasing.

“Don’t you?” Astarion gives her a curious look. “It’s only sensible thinking.” At the displeased sound Kara lets out for being called out, he laughs softly. “Not that you are not special, darling. Never doubt that.”

“Sure,” she replies dryly. “ _ ‘Special,’ _ of course!” 

“You are!” Astarion insists as his fingers run over the bite marks on her neck. “If only you knew how rare it is for someone to enjoy being bitten this much.” 

Kara’s cheeks flame up in heat at his words and she quickly turns her head so she won’t look at him. The thought of getting so aroused by him biting her was already mildly uncomfortable on its own. She really didn’t need to add another layer to it by knowing that her reaction wasn’t normal for everyone.

“Ah, don’t be embarrassed; it’s endearing!” Astarion mutters as he grabs her chin and tilts her head until she is looking him in the eyes again. Eyes that sparkle with mischief. “Or maybe that is the point?” he wonders, and the knowing smile on his face manages to give her goosebumps as he adds, “You like a little bit of pain and shame with your pleasure, don’t you? Oh, I am looking forward to next time.”

Her heart beats furiously in her chest as she imagines just what he could do with this information. Her desire that had just been sated slowly being spurred on again by the mere thought of them repeating this in the future. Or maybe, preferably, right now, Kara thinks. 

“Next time?” she asks with raised brows, and it is enough to make Astarion’s grin widen as his hold on her tightens before he draws her all the way on top of him.

“Well, now’s as good a time as any, I suppose,” he says with a smirk. “And I am looking forward to finding out what else I can make you beg for!”

  


**Author's Note:**

> [Come talk to me over on tumblr ^^](https://kunstpause.tumblr.com)


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